dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
