I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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