I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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