I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize