I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
