he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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