how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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