My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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