there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dignity is for republicans.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
