Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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