and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
