Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
