i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
