tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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