I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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