just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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