So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Watching her eat just hurts me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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