i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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