I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Drunk is not a location!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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