gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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