Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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