I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
