We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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