i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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