just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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