Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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