Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
