I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
