Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
