I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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