Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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