I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
