Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
