sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
