I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
