I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
