Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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