all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
