My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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