Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
