I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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