Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
