why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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