Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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