When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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