p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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