i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
