oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my liver is dry heaving
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
