im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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