I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
