He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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