Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
