Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
did i just pee glitter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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