Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
