hotel room ftw
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
