I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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