new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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