I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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