One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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