your thong is hanging out like whoa
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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