there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
