did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
