Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
