What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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