i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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