at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
