he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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