i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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