loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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