So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
