remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
