I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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