Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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