Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
