im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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