I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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