i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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