if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
