Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize