What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
