I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
