I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
