i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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