Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
